Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?

Today was a good day.  Not sure why!  Maybe more distractions. 

Yesterday was not so good.

It is hard to say if I have more good days than bad.  Generally, most days are good.   The problem is the moments.  I calculate how many moments I have in clusters versus a random moment here and there.  Lately, I have had more and more clusters.  However, I attribute that to the month of October (her birthday).

ETA:  This was written at midnight...so it was Friday that was a good day...I am not so sure yet about today!

Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)?

If so what?

This blog.  The Butterfly Kisses ministry.

Sorry...but I just couldn't come up with anything profound today....

Day 6: How do you?

Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?

This is a tough one.

  Depends.

Depends on the situation.

Depends on the day.

Depends on the mood I am.

Depends if someone is being persistent.

ESPECIALLY depends if someone is insisting I "need" a girl.  

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Honestly though?  It is becoming more and more important for me to say that there are five.  That I did have a little girl.  And I just say she has passed.  No elaborations.  No discussion.

It usually ends in "Oh..I am sorry"

Followed by me saying "Oh, it's okay....."

And then change of subject by me immediately to protect them.

But I have an innate need lately to say

 "she was here"

For me.  For her dad.  For her brothers.

Day 5:

Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*

All the time.  Butterflies.

The reason I named my ministry Butterfly Kisses.  

Her little "kisses" when they stop by.

This post BUTTERFLIES says it all.

This past year they haven't stopped by as often, but their timing could not be perfect.  Across a windshield when I am frustrated in traffic.  Past my studio when I look up randomly.  Usually because I am stuck or when I get a groove on.  

Either a way for me to push past my stumbling blocks or a nod when I am living life to the fullest.

Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?

My Husband

The pusher.  The prodder.  My biggest cheerleader. 

My Kids

They force you to get up in the morning.  They were the first to make me laugh on the way home from the hospital after I had sobbed getting in the car with empty arms.  My husband had to tell them to stop because I was going to bust my c-section stitches! They are champions for my blogs.  They think that it is the coolest thing for blankets to arrive on our doorstep.  They care about other families that have lost a baby.

My Hobbies

Out of all of my hobbies...quilting has been my savior.  The other crafts and sewing can be a bit of a struggle.  I still have to fight through it.  But it is the fighting that is therapeutic too.

My friends

In real life and online.  The friends that listen are the best. My life line.  They tolerate my musing.  But they also expect me to be there for them....which makes me feel needed by others.  And that makes me happy.

Butterfly Kisses

My charity reminds me that I am not alone.  That there are others that are on similar journeys. 

Miss Dakota Blakely

Another darling angel...Meet her HERE.

Sweet little footprint

Beautiful work by the momma's aunt

Not just one....but two blankets

For more precious prints

Fit for a special little cowgirl

Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?

My Husband

I am sure some would say they are not surprised.  But I was and am.

I always felt that I had to be the strong one.  The one who had to take the burdens of the family. 

I tried to take the burden, but he wouldn't let me.

There isn't much I can say other than the moment that she was born.

I apologized to him for her not being "perfect".

And he said. "I don't want to hear another word like that.  She is perfect."

Enough said.  Right?