My Very Own Molly Bear

Have you heard of Molly Bears?

If you haven't...I am going to tell you about them!

I know SEVERAL baby loss moms that have Molly Bears.  For some reason, I thought that I really didn't "need" one because I already have two teddy bears for Jamie.  The one we received from the hospital's bereavement group and the other was one that the boys won the weekend after she was born.  They were at our Church's bazaar and they tried their hand at winning a bear.  They used her birth date numbers and WON!  The proud looks that they had on their faces is something I will never forget!

I was recently contacted by one of the Molly Bear Team members to do a Butterfly Kiss project of her and Bridget (one of the co- founders).  

OF COURSE, I said..YES!!

  Then they told me that they would love to do a bear for me.

How could I say no?

A package arrived on Saturday, but I couldn't open it because I had a disaster in the studio due to some computer issues!  Pure torture seeing the box sitting in the corner, but I didn't want to lose any pieces/parts to the overstuffed package.

After the dust settled and all was quiet....we opened the package, yesterday, Father's Day.

Our very own Molly bear.

If you are thinking...she is just a pink teddy bear, Heidi....what is the big whoop?

The big deal is that she is filled.  

She weighs EXACTLY 5lbs 4oz.  

I *may or may not* have checked on my scale.  I was actually surprised to feel the weight in my hands.  I was so used to my empty arms in regards to her and her urn is so light, that I just forgot that she was a pretty hefty girl for a baby with dwarfism!

Each Molly Bear is unique and special to the parent that orders one.  They are "one of a kind" to you.

I, of course, mentioned my pension for butterflies whenever I think of my sweet precious girl!

  Boy, did I get them!

And she seems quite content with her fellow bear friends and Jamie's quilt.

My one and only disappointment?  

That I didn't do this sooner.....

WARNING!!!!!

HEADS UP! 

 I have one quilt in the works and definitely one blanket coming for a visit....if you were planning to send me your blanket/item.

*WARNING*

I will not be able to do them until AFTER July 13. If you were planning on sending them before that...please contact me at boysbuttonsandbutterflies@gmail.com so I make sure that I will be available to receive it!!!!!!

Little Black Book

I was digging through my purses looking for a pair of embroidery scissors I was sure I absentmindedly left in one of them.

I noticed a basket on my closet shelf that had a ton of "junk" in it.  I forgot I had a basket with all of the "purse" things.  You know, the kind of things that you move from purse to purse, but don't always need depending on the size?

Everything was jumbled on my shelves because they are in front of the electrical panel.  I hadn't cleaned it up since then...oops.

I thought I would take a peek and see if the scissors were dropped in there.

I found the little black book above.

Curious.

I opened it.

I remembered I bought it with the intention of journalling while sitting in carpool or in a doctor's office. 

Small.  

 I could just jot down thoughts without having to feel like I had to write a novel.

I only found two entries

 The last one? 

Dated April (2009)

Just 6 weeks before our world came down to sit oppressively on our shoulders......

Be still, my heart.

Friday, I felt pressure.  Pressure so tight, I couldn't stand it.

I felt like my chest was being crushed.

My shoulders could no longer take any more weight.

I opened my email.  A note.  A school note that said that my son had "failed to bring supplies/work to class".  Not a big deal really.   

But it was.

I failed him.  I didn't remember that it was due this Friday.  He had told me several times the last three weeks.  I forgot.

I failed him.

I walked up to get Button out of his crib.  He popped up and gave me the biggest smile.  I started sniffling as I changed his diaper.  I had uncontrollable, silent tears as I snapped him into his car seat.

As I drove...the tears flowed.  I couldn't stop them.  No noise, just tears.  As if my eyes were rivers and streams....waterfalls that I couldn't control.  

 

But the pressure was still there.

My grown young man climbed into the car when I arrived.  My sunglasses on, but tears still streaming.  I apologized for my appearance and told him I had hoped his friends hadn't seen me.

He asked "what's wrong?".  

I simply said,  "I am just sad.  I feel like such a failure as a mom".  

In the pause, I know he heard "you boys struggle so at your schools.  I wish I could cure the dyslexia your younger brothers have.  I hope I don't screw up your baby brother."  

I know he heard in the pause "And, God, I failed your sister.  I couldn't save her."

It slammed me.  I sobbed.  Uncontrollably.  Enough that I had to pull over in the parking lot.

He patted me on my shoulder.  He consoled me.  He told me that I was a "great mom..you are doing fine".

I had gathered myself by the time we arrived to pick up the younger two.  We arrived home.  I pretended I was better for their sake.

I was tired.

Then Bunny gave me a folded up piece of paper right before he went to bed. 

I opened it and smiled.

And all the pressure was gone.

When left...

to my own devices....

I can dream up many things!

Edited and digitized a sweet pair of feet prints.

Now to talk with momma more in depth about my newest creation.

Can't wait to share the end result!

Sharing

A quilt I made for a momma.

A local friend of mine commissioned me to make this quilt for her cousin who lost her daughter in January.

It was SO fun to make.  I wish I could do these for free for everyone, but I just can't....

I am working on a quilt design that would be available for purchase, but I have been bogged down with a charity quilt for my sons' school.   I am on a 10 day countdown.

Gigantic, no?

I also owe a mom a finished blanket. I am trying to do something a little more unique for her since her blanket is begging for it!!!  But because of that, I am taking longer than usual.

And I had a request for a special mini-quilt for a shelf where an urn rests.  I am still working on the design.  Sometimes it isn't a good thing to give me TOO much leeway with my creativity!

Feel free to yell at me mommas.....you know who you are!

Blanket Placements

I spend a lot of time taking photos of the placement of the embroidery or appliques.  

Instead of doing this each time for every blanket, I have decided to have a page just for generic blanket placements.

STRAIGHT

CANTED