Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren).

As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.

Butter

The oldest.  14 years old.  Boy.  

From the beginning, we knew that he was had the special ability to recognize others' feelings.  He would react to the mood of the room.  He was always concerned how others felt.  Even if it meant disregarding his own feelings or needs.

He is lovingly called a space cadet.  A dreamer.  Not artistic.  He is the first to tell you that.  But he dreams big.   He has known since he was about 4 years old that he couldn't be a priest in the Catholic faith because he planned to marry and have children.  Most of his essays for entry into the local Catholic schools included the fact that he wants to be a role model father.   He has been my rock through all our tragedy the past few years.  He understands the pain and now can directly relate to those around him that experience a similar pain from loss.

Bean

12 in 16 days.  "Middle Child" for 8 years.  Boy.

He is loud.  He wants to be heard.  He smiles like the day is long.  He can light up a room.  Quick to laughter, quick to temper.  Struggles in school.  Will be the best friend a boy could ever have.  Always ready for a party or gathering.  Instrumental for the organization of flag football, pool parties, basketball games in the driveway, and baseball in the front yard.  However, he is a home-body.  Will beg to go home if he is away too long.  He loves music and can usually recite lyrics of most songs.  Can name an artist or title in a heartbeat (I am always impressed because I can't do this!)

He is our quiet one about his sister.  He usually gets angry if she is talked about too much.  Not because he doesn't care, but because it hurts him too much.

BUNNY

9 years old.  The "Baby" for 8 years.  Boy.

He is always around.  Always underfoot.  Always hugging, kissing, loving.  His cuddling puts the family pets to shame.  Always game for whatever anyone is doing.   

FIERCELY independent.  He takes after his mother on this count.  If he can do it, don't help him.  If he needs assistance?  Tell him, don't show him.  Tough as nails.  Who wouldn't be as the youngest of 3 boys?

Despite being the baby, he was the most anxious about a new baby arriving.  He prayed over his baby in my tummy.  Sang lullabies.  Snuggled in a chair with her.

He was the first to completely break down when we said goodbye to Jamie.  His poor, fragile, warm heart was broken for the first time.  The heart wrenching sobs were something we never had heard from him, our strong warrior.

BUTTERFLY

Would be two years old in 10 days.  Gone.  Girl.

We lost her 1 hr and 15 minutes after birth.  She had a genetic mutation called Thanatophoric Dysplasia.  A fatal dwarfism.

Our blessing and our pain.  

BUTTON 

7 months.  The youngest.  Boy

Our rainbow.  Our calm after the storm.  Our delight.  Our joy.  Our love.  

He is still young, but to quote our pediatrician...he is our very precocious child.  She announced this when he was about 2 months old.  He constantly startles us with his personality and behaviors.  Peek-a-boo on his own at 4 months.  Ability to pick up the smallest fiber in his two fingers on purpose.  Has no difficulty "lecturing" his older brothers from the pulpit, which is better known as the exersaucer.

Makes things too easy for us parents. 

However, I think he just might give us a run for our money.

Day 1: Who are you?

Day 1: Who are you?  Share as little or as much about you in general.

The facts? 

• A mother of four sons and a daughter. 
• Married to my husband for 15 years.
• Army Nurse 
• Labor and Delivery Nurse
• Stay at home mom for 8 years
• PTO volunteer and board member
• Part-time school clinic nurse for a year.
• Sewer
• Quilter
• Crafter

The heart of it?

A mother of an incomplete family.  

A mother of a daughter that isn't here.  

• A mother that is blessed with four healthy, vivacious, precious boys.

• A mother with sutures, staples, and butterfly tape to keep the gaping hole in her heart closed.

• A mother that never got the chance to dress her daughter in a christening gown.

• A mother that will never get to dress her daughter up for her First Communion.

• A mother that will never see her daughter walk down the aisle.

• A mother that will never get to watch her daughter become a mother herself.

31 Day Blog Challenge

 October is miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss awareness month.  

I am joining Cassie at Living a New Normal, in a 31-day blog challenge. 

If you would like to join, here are the topics/questions for each day:

I am late....so beware of the flood of 4 days!!!

Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child's name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)
Day 31: Do you feel like 31 days has helped you open up more about your child(ren) and your grief?

Miss Leah Elizabeth

When this quilt arrived at my doorstep:

Me:  Is this quilt made by you?  ADORABLE

Momma:  I did not make the quilt - I'm not very handy when it comes to sewing, etc.  

"It was a gift from a student and his mother before they knew Leah's diagnosis. I actually saw him and told him today about sending it to you and he was very happy! I know his Mother will be too - they actually attended Leah's service even though it was during the school day."

I adore these stories!!!!!!!

Miss Caitlin Rose

Has the teeniest, tiniest feet.

An inch long......An inch long!!!!

Every blanket brings a new challenge and this one was no different.

Her prints were tiny enough to get lost in the soft fluffy blanket momma sent me.

So I made do with an applique.

Her name is blurred for privacy.

I pray momma likes it.  

I think I fell in love with another angel.

Angel Babies

And today is the EXACT reason why Butterfly Kisses needed its own home!

I "met" Heidi on my online support group.

She has an awesome organization called Angel Babies 

(see button to the right!)

Yesterday, she was featured in her area on the local news.
  The segment is called "Pay it Forward".

She has been paying forward since her darling daughter left her. 
I hope to be as comforting and as inspiring as her.

It also helps that we have the same name!!!!

My Ministry Blog!

Welcome to my special ministry blog!

A year ago, I started a blog called Boys, Buttons, and Butterflies. 

It was a place for me to find a place to express my grief a year after the birth/loss of my daughter Jamie Lynn.

That blog started evolving into a crafting sewing blog.  I tried to share it with her, but I found that as time went on, there was less and less grief posts and more and more crafting/sewing.

Which was great for me!  But maybe not for the rest of the baby loss community!  It caused me such angst that some mommas would not be ready to see me "moving" on if they were fresh in their grief.

I also struggled with what I could "do" for others.  I knew of many organizations and other bloggers that made quilts and such for other charities.  I know of a very dedicated baby loss momma that makes outfits and blankets for those that need them HERE.

I just didn't know what I could do. 
Quilting is very time-consuming and I didn't want to take on something that could not only take time away from my family and my own sewing/crafting plans for them.  But I also did not want to disappoint families if it took me too long to complete quilts!

-------------------------------

I am so thankful that I started that blog because in January (2011), I introduced Jamie's quilt in her "before" state. 

I was going just show my AFTER of her quilt.  It was TWO days later, that I received one of those "taps" on my shoulders.  I have always said that God taps me on my shoulder.  

Well, sometimes it takes a SLEDGEHAMMER to catch my attention.  
And on that day, I was walloped good.  As I was introducing Jamie's quilt, I realized that I finally come up with something I could actually do for other baby loss mommas/parent!

I introduced Butterfly Kisses on January 13, 2011.

I have been so blessed to embroider so many blankets/quilts for others.

Unfortunately....too many.

Too many that I have had to start this separate blog.  

But I think it is for the best!  If you'd like to follow me on my crafty/sewing/quilting adventures as I try to live life after loss....please do!!  

I still plan to talk about her and my grief there, but will confine the more serious issues here.

And, of course, use this space to introduce each baby blanket that I am given permission to share with you.

And help those that might have been in a similar situation as myself!