Love Lives Here

 "In our life there is a single color,

as on an artist's palette,
 which provides the meaning of life and art.

It is the color of love."

-Marc Chagall

If you recall, my friend, Mattie, invited a few of us to blog about love this month.   Her blog, Beauty Will Rise, is where you can learn about her triumphs and trials through the loss of her precious darlings, Shyla Joy and Jakin. 

Today is my turn to write a bit about love for the project called What Love Really Means.  Follow the button on the sidebar to read more from some amazing bloggers.  I am thoroughly enjoying them myself the past few days and completely honored that she asked me to join in!!

LOVE LIVES HERE

If you haven't noticed, when I set up this blog, my description was and still is "A place to incorporate my love...My love for my children.  My love for my family.  My love for crafts.  My love for life!!!" 

 So, I find it very fitting to finally write about my love!

 

"Love is coming face to face with the knowledge

 that you've found the best friend you'll ever have in this world"

-Lucy Murray

18 years ago, I was a mere 17 years old when I met my husband.  He helped me move into my college dorm.  14 years ago, we married shortly after I graduated from nursing school.  I am flabbergasted how many times we have moved, the amount of changes in our lives that have occurred, and the blessings we have been given along the way.  We both have had the opportunity to grow in our careers, our hobbies, and our spirituality.  I have had the honor of staying home for many years.  I have been working part-time as the clinic nurse at my boys' school...a dream come true.  

 We have three AMAZING boys that we can't imagine life without. 

"Now I know what love is"

  -Virgil

Even with our normal lives, stressful times, we had no idea how one small little bundle would rock our world a little over a year ago.  We found out that our daughter, at 18wk gestation, had a fatal condition.  We were encouraged/instructed that early termination was the best idea. 

 Our own hearts guided us differently.  We decided to carry her as long as we could. 

Jamie Lynn arrived and our life has never been the same.

"You will find as you look back upon your life

that the moments when you have truly lived

are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

-Henry Drummond

I often say that the day she was born, you could feel the bubble of love in that room.  A bubble of peace and tranquility.  My mom comments that God was in that bubble with us. I don't think she is far off.  The world around us continued, but we stopped.  We stopped to be with her.  Our boys were there to see their sister alive and then silently drift away from us.  My husband and I turned and clung to each other in our grief.

   I witnessed the day that my boys' hearts were first broken. I pray that they never have them shattered and splintered like that ever again.

  I know that in that room, we realized how precious each of us are to each other. 

  I would never want that taken away from any of us.

"Love is love's reward" 

 -John Dryden

And I know that through our love for her, our lovely Butterfly.....we could only see the arrival of our new bundle "Baby Button" in a mere week and a half as such a precious gift from above.  

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get

-only with what you are expecting to give-

which is everything."

-Katharine Hepburn

After she was gone, I could only continue to put my love in my sewing and crafting. Love into being with my family.  Love into taking care of my boys.
 Really, love into everything that I do. 

 I try to honor the fact that God gave me the gift of my husband. He gave me the gift of my boys.  He gave me a gift of another baby.  He gave me the gift to create. AND He gave me the gift of Jamie.

 Instead of wallowing in grief, I can use her life as inspiration for my life.  Inspiration for my personal charity for other baby loss mommas. 
I can share my journey with other moms that are facing grief, loss, and pain.

I can "do" what she never can.

Because I love her that much...

What Love Really Means

A special lady, Mattie, that I have "met" through the internet after the loss of Jamie has an awesome blog called Beauty Will Rise.  I wish my blog was as AWESOME as hers! She is an amazing person!  I will never forget when we exchanged gifts for Christmas 2009 with some moms that had lost their November babies.  She sent me some very special gifts, all which were perfect.  I wish I had thought to take pictures!

  My heart was very raw at the time, and her gifts helped put a healing ointment on that wound.  I will never forget her baby girl...Shyla Joy.  Without the loss of our precious girls, both due in the month of November that year, we would never have crossed paths.

I was so thrilled when I heard the news that she was carrying her rainbow baby.  I was terrified when she told us the news that little Jakin's heart was not working as well as it should be.  I literally sobbed when I heard the news that his little heart had stopped.  I even posted here that day about her loss and how it impacted my outlook on Baby Button.  I had thought that I could distance myself from pain again.  The loss of Jakin proved to me that it was impossible.  I could love again, and have my heart broken again......

To my point!!! Mattie contacted a few of us momma's to blog about What Love Really Means for the month of February.  If you follow her blog, you will see me on a certain day...*wink, wink*...hmmm....maybe, say Feb 6th?

I am so excited!  I hope I live up to all of these other amazing bloggers out there!!!!