Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Baby Button is here!

Announcing my newest addition.........

Baby Button is a BOY!!!!!!

8lbs 4 oz......18.5 inches.  Short and chunky, just the way I like it.

We had a rocky start with a short visit in the NICU.  Oxygen hood, IVs, NG tube, Platelet transfusions...Oh Boy!!

But we are home and just waiting to wrap up a few results.  Will tell you his whole story as soon as I can catch my breathe.
   Eight years is a looong time to get reaquainted with this baby business!!!

So no dresses, skirts, and frilly things anytime soon.

But I have a few ideas already dancing in my head!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

A New Beginning

"Every end is a new beginning"

Today was a tough day. 

 I woke up sad knowing that I was walking into the school clinic that I work at  for the last time.  This also happens to be where my boys go to school.

I REALLY loved my job.  But after much prayer and plain common sense, I realized my family needed me home again.

I won't deny that I will LOVE to be home all day with this Button. 

 However, it is with mixed emotions that I packed up my things this afternoon.

Of course, I can't stay away from that place.   I will be helping out with screenings.  Doing some substituting if needed. It is a second home to me.  I just felt so welcomed and loved by all. I knew that on any given day, I could walk in cranky and walk out smiling.  Feeling like I made a difference in some child's life.

I also think it makes the arrival of Button all the more REAL.  I have had this date in place since New Year's as my "last day" before maternity leave.  Then a few weeks ago, it became my "LAST day" at work.  The date was set because we knew my repeat c-section was the next week and I wanted to work as close as possible to that date.  I would go in to work on Monday and Tuesday if hubby would let me!

  I already know that I am going to start crawling up walls in anticipation in a mere few hours.  Not the "normal" kind, but the kind that is filled with anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, and whatever else emotion decides to bubble to the top!  This "rainbow" baby stuff is a lot harder than I EVER imagined!

So I am going to focus on my "end" being a "beginning".  I will force myself to forsee a future with a child that will actually come home with us.  I will help hubby put the carseat together this weekend.  And even one step furthur...put it in the car.  I will take tags off some of the baby blankets and clothes and actually wash them.

Because Button is my new beginning.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Love Lives Here

 "In our life there is a single color,
as on an artist's palette,
 which provides the meaning of life and art.
It is the color of love."
-Marc Chagall

If you recall, my friend, Mattie, invited a few of us to blog about love this month.   Her blog, Beauty Will Rise, is where you can learn about her triumphs and trials through the loss of her precious darlings, Shyla Joy and Jakin. 

Today is my turn to write a bit about love for the project called What Love Really Means.  Follow the button on the sidebar to read more from some amazing bloggers.  I am thoroughly enjoying them myself the past few days and completely honored that she asked me to join in!!


If you haven't noticed, when I set up this blog, my description was and still is "A place to incorporate my love...My love for my children.  My love for my family.  My love for crafts.  My love for life!!!" 

 So, I find it very fitting to finally write about my love!

"Love is coming face to face with the knowledge
 that you've found the best friend you'll ever have in this world"
-Lucy Murray

18 years ago, I was a mere 17 years old when I met my husband.  He helped me move into my college dorm.  14 years ago, we married shortly after I graduated from nursing school.  I am flabbergasted how many times we have moved, the amount of changes in our lives that have occurred, and the blessings we have been given along the way.  We both have had the opportunity to grow in our careers, our hobbies, and our spirituality.  I have had the honor of staying home for many years.  I have been working part-time as the clinic nurse at my boys' school...a dream come true.  

 We have three AMAZING boys that we can't imagine life without. 

"Now I know what love is"

Even with our normal lives, stressful times, we had no idea how one small little bundle would rock our world a little over a year ago.  We found out that our daughter, at 18wk gestation, had a fatal condition.  We were encouraged/instructed that early termination was the best idea. 
 Our own hearts guided us differently.  We decided to carry her as long as we could. 

Jamie Lynn arrived and our life has never been the same.

"You will find as you look back upon your life
that the moments when you have truly lived
are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
-Henry Drummond

I often say that the day she was born, you could feel the bubble of love in that room.  A bubble of peace and tranquility.  My mom comments that God was in that bubble with us. I don't think she is far off.  The world around us continued, but we stopped.  We stopped to be with her.  Our boys were there to see their sister alive and then silently drift away from us.  My husband and I turned and clung to each other in our grief.
   I witnessed the day that my boys' hearts were first broken. I pray that they never have them shattered and splintered like that ever again.
  I know that in that room, we realized how precious each of us are to each other. 

  I would never want that taken away from any of us.

"Love is love's reward" 
 -John Dryden

And I know that through our love for her, our lovely Butterfly.....we could only see the arrival of our new bundle "Baby Button" in a mere week and a half as such a precious gift from above.  

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
-only with what you are expecting to give-
which is everything."
-Katharine Hepburn

After she was gone, I could only continue to put my love in my sewing and crafting. Love into being with my family.  Love into taking care of my boys.
 Really, love into everything that I do. 
 I try to honor the fact that God gave me the gift of my husband. He gave me the gift of my boys.  He gave me a gift of another baby.  He gave me the gift to create. AND He gave me the gift of Jamie.

 Instead of wallowing in grief, I can use her life as inspiration for my life.  Inspiration for my personal charity for other baby loss mommas. 
I can share my journey with other moms that are facing grief, loss, and pain.

I can "do" what she never can.

Because I love her that much...

Friday, February 4, 2011


"The key to to let go of fear"
    -Roseanne Cash 

Today I am reflecting on the inordinate amount of change we have gone through and are about to experience.   I realize that Baby Button will change alot of things around here.  The obvious...late night feedings, lack of sleep, and basically...utter chaos.

My life will transition from part-time working mom to a bonafide stay at home mom.

I have been known to not deal well with change.
So I am facing change head on. 

 I decided to "change" my blog design a bit.  It is definitely a work in progress, so hang in there with me!  You will notice a few things already, but I have a ways to go!