Sunday, March 20, 2011

Worn out shoes

"Between saying and doing,
many a pair of shoes is worn out."
-Proverb, Italian

Exactly one year ago, we went to the Carnival at the Livestock and Rodeo Show.  It is usually is quite a fun time, but last year, I left quite sad. See last year's post here.

This year,  I left laughing.  I did have a sad moment, but it very short because I just had to peek in my stroller and smile, thanks to sweet baby James.

Now to the shoe story.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and was excited because I was going to wear my brand new Old Navy shirt that I had bought on clearance for $6.49.  But, what was more exciting was that I finally had a blue shirt that matched a pair of shoes that I have had for a long time.  They have always been one of my favorite, but were very difficult to match up with outfits.  So I showed off my excitement to hubby and we were off to the Carnival!

We had to park far away and walk to the entrance.  We were laughing and having fun.  Then the "boys" peeled off to use the stairs to go buy tickets, James and I peeled the opposite direction to take the ramp.

When we reached the boys, I realized...I had a BIG problem. For some reason, my shoes felt like they were dragging onto my pants.  I looked down to roll up my jeans.  I found that the soles of my shoes were falling apart.   Picture styrofoam packing falling apart.

 Hubby started laughing hysterically, I am sure my face was bright red.

But in the spirit of the day, I decided to go ahead with the day, in the hopes we might see a booth selling flip-flops or boots in the vicinity.   Unfortunately, we never made it to that part of the carnival because the boys pooped out on us.  I definitely made my mark on the walkway. As the asphalt heated up, my shoes left trails behind me.  The once 4 inch heels, became what you see in the picture.  I literally felt the metal support under the one clang behind me. 

As we were heading back, the top of the left sandal started peeling off like this:

Within minutes, the top leather completely pulled away. 

I held the shoe in my hand in shock. NOW WHAT?!?!

Hubby had me throw them in the nearest trash.  I pulled my jeans as far under my foot as I could.  To protect and to hide the fact that I am NOT WEARING A SHOE!


I then tried to keep it hidden under the stroller to hide my foot.

When we finally got to the car....I could not stop laughing.

We had formula, water, bottles, diapers, and spare outfits for James. 

But who knew we should have had a spare pair of shoes for me!!!

Thank you God for giving me a moment to laugh. When I do, it reminds me not to mourn too much!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

One finger

"There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved: It is God's finger on man's shoulder. "
-Charles Morgan

Or in my wrapped around such a tiny little finger already!

I am excited to say that I have been able to do a bit of sewing and crafting.  Taking pictures of said items is a completely different story!

It seems that I am able to pull off things in what I call semi-complete tasks.

Like today.

  Dear hubby had his birthday.  I made a beautiful dinner of Ale-Braised Short Ribs with Egg Noodles and cornbread from scratch. (Note:  I do not make fancy dinners like this very often.  This is a very rare and special occasion)

  But he had to clean up the dishes!

He was bummed that he didn't get cupcakes.  Whoops!

But birthday kind of stunk.  See post here.

At least he got dinner.............

My excuse for such poor wifely behavior...did you see those tiny fingers in the picture?  Not only am I wrapped around one....but all five....on each hand! 

He is sooooo worth it!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Angel of God

Angel of God, My Guardian Dear
to whom God's love commits me here.
Ever this day be at my side
to light, and guard and rule and guide.

So I am going to lay it all out tonight.  Hope you are ready for it!!!

Last night, I was ANGRY.

I know that I am angry more and more every day because Jamie isn't here and James is.  It isn't that I don't love him....I SOOOO do.  But dammit, why couldn't I just have both of them.

I know I am angry because Dr. G said that my uterus was VERY thin.  Emphasis on VERY.  I wasn't "done" having babies.  Looks like the choice might be taken out of my hands.

I am angry because I wanted things to be perfect when James was born.  I wanted to just spend time with James ALL alone. I wanted to "room in" with him. He was one week and five days old when I finally had him all to myself.  It should have been the first night he was born.  Instead, I didn't even get to hold him until he was already one day old.  And even then, it was for the shortest bit of time.

 I was VERY angry at anyone and all on his third day in the NICU.  I was terrified that I was going to leave the hospital without a baby in my arms. I wanted the boys to see him while I was in the hospital, not the first day I came home. 

I am angry because I wanted to cry during those quiet times at night at the hospital.  I still haven't.  The sob is just balled up in my throat.  Waiting.....


God decided to nudge me.  Last night, after big brothers were tucked in and Daddy went to bed, I was alone.  Alone with James.  As he fell asleep in my arms, I realized that he was giggling in his sleep.   He was smiling.  I know, I know...babies don't smile, but he WAS!  He also has this amazing ability to play with his fingers.  We noticed it the very first night we saw him.   His hands extend out as if they are "petting" someone.  He touches us with the tips of his fingers instead of having the normal clenched newborn fists.  He loves to pull his blanket over his head.  He will fuss until his hands and arms are released from the confines of the swaddling blanket.   It looks like he is waving his arms and playing games with someone in his dreams.

Then it hit me.   Is he playing with his sister?  Is she watching over him?

When I went into the OR, I didn't have any jewelry on except for the heart shaped charm my dear friends gave me.  It has an angel cradling a baby in her arms.  It has Jamie Lynn's name engraved on the back.  It was blessed by Fr. Drew.  The nurse made me take it off, so I handed it to Aaron.  After they prepped me in the OR and he came in to sit with me, I felt something in my hand.  My darling husband placed that necklace in my hand.  And we prayed.  After the surger, I wore it the whole time I was in the hospital. And one of our favorite photos is this one: 

This photo was taken the very first time I got to hold him.  It was a very gratifying feeling to hold him right on my chest.  He became less fussy, opened his eyes, and his breathing slowed down to a normal rate.  My anxiety flittered away.  It felt so good to hold him.

Can you see the necklace?

I am more and more convinced that she is looking out for him.  As we play out the scenario that led to his platelet transfusion, I realize how perilous his situation would have been if he had not had trouble breathing in the OR.  He would not have been whisked to the NICU.  He would not have had his blood tested.   We would not have known that his platelets were so dangerously low.  I have to now believe that all of it happened for a reason.

I think he officially has his very own Guardian Angel.

And that balled up sob....tears of gratefulness flowed while I held my most precious boy in the wee hours of the night.  The ball is much smaller today.

But I am still waiting........