Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Words of Courage

A question asked by a fellow babyloss mom:

"Words of Courage. 
Any come to mind for a particularly cloudy day full of missing her?"

Dear sweet Laura,

I wish I could tell you the perfect answer.  I will just tell you what I do when I have a cloudy day.  


I curl up with her quilt.

I sometimes grab her teddy.

See her sitting on the memory box?  Yes, she is a girl!

I sometimes pull out her scrapbook just so I can see her.

I put a sad movie in.  Steel Magnolias if I am feeling like I need to "Go Sally" on someone.   Tinkerbell because that is the Disney character I associate her with.  I would have watched Tinkerbell to the end of time with her.  

Lately,  Rabbit Hole has been working for me.

It helps me remember that my husband is grieving too, just in a different way.

But my point in all of this? 
It is that I allow myself to have the cloudy day once in awhile.  

If I try to fight through it...things only get worse for me....


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Advent Conspiracy

Love this.....

We have donated in family members names when we are just tapped out of ideas.  We also appreciate donations made in our names for anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays.

Working on the time with family thing.  It is difficult when extended family is 1000miles away each way.

But we sure are trying to spend quality time with our beautiful boys!
We know the value of how short time can be.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Editing some tiny, tiny prints tonight. 

A little darling Madison. 

Not even an inch and a half from heel to toe.

Can you hear the audible sigh from here?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

The Pit

The ladder I try to use to CLIMB out of the pit!
(In honor of Jamie's due date...)
The day my child died, I fell into the pit of grief. 
My friends watched me struggle through daily life, waiting for the person I once was to arise from the pit, not realizing "she" is gone forever.

The pit is full of darkness, heartache and despair, it paralyzes your thoughts, movements and ability to ration. 
The pit leaves you forever changed, unable to surface the person you once were.

Some of my pre-grief friends gather around the top of the pit, waiting for the old me to appear before their eyes, not understanding what's taking me so long to emerge. 
After all, in their eyes, I've been in the pit for quite sometime. 
Yet in my eyes, it seems as if I fell in only yesterday.

Not all of my pre-grief friends are gathered around the top of the pit. Some are helping me with the climb out of the darkness. They climb side by side with me from time to time, but mostly they climb ahead of me, waiting patiently at each plateau
Even with these friends I sometimes wonder if they are also waiting for the pre-grief me to magically appear before their eyes.

Then there are the casual acquaintances, you know the ones who say, "Hi, how are you?" when they really don't care or really want to know. 
These are the people who sigh in relief, that it is my child who died and not theirs.
You know...the "better them, than me" attitude.

My post-grief friends (and a rare pre-grief friend) are the ones who climb with me, side by side, inch by inch, out of the pit with me. 
 They are able to reassure me when I need reassurance, rest when I need resting, and encourage me to move forward when I don't have the strength. 
They have no expectations, no memories and no recollection of how I "should" be. They want me to get better, to smile more often and find joy in life, but they also accepted the person I've become. 
The "person" who is emerging from the pit
~Author Unknown

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Quiet....

After the storm.

I had to take a break.  I didn't realize how taxing it was to blog every single day.  Not to mention keeping up with regular posts on my other blog.  I didn't want to stop the other, because I promised myself and Jamie, that I would not stop living.  And my other blog is really about me living.  This one is more about grief and my ministry.  

It is strange though.  They are both separate...yet so very intertwined!!!

Things have been quiet.  I received an inordinate amount of requests last month and became overwhelmed that I would not be able to get them done.  But sadly, none have arrived yet!  One mom just emailed saying she was sending hers this week, so my Miss Emore Embroidery Machine is getting excited.  She has been sad!

In the you want to see some fun?

Our "Fall" Family Outing a few weeks ago!

That's where I shot this windmill!

Like any farm there were a ton of farm animals...

but I will only show I don't bore you!

Nothing like a playground fort with the Texas flag flying high near the zip lines.
Pretending he isn't just a little nervous.

 This one was interested in showing off his "guns" by doing pull ups on the zip line.

And this one handed/armed wonder?  
Loved it!!!  We couldn't tear him away.

Forced by mom photo ops.

Can you just die from the cuteness.......

Daddy, I want THIS one!

Which one isn't a cute pumpkin?

A little bouncing



They always show at the right time....I was missing her terribly that day.  Then I walked by some bushes around the ziplines.......Hello Miss Butterfly!