Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently.

Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?

Yes and No.

I feel our grief is the same in the fact that we both lost a daughter.  We both lost the dream of raising a daughter.  I lost the dream of getting her ready on her Wedding day.  He lost the dream of walking her down the aisle.   We both needed each other during the pregnancy, since we knew she was going to be gone.  And even though we were "prepared", our need for each other was the same after.

How were we different? 

Even in the beginning, I was planning.  I made her a quilt.  I shopped for her clothes.  I sat with our priest.  I called the funeral home.  I spent a lot of time on the internet (surprise, surprise, right?).  I "met" other moms that were dealing with uncertain or fatal prognosis.  I arranged with NILMDTS to have the photographer come and take her pictures.

He did not join me.  It wasn't that he didn't want to...he just couldn't. He just couldn't fathom losing her.  His focus was on worrying about all the things we needed to do if she DID make it.

Afterwards....we danced.  

We didn't want to cry or talk too much about her with each other.  We were worried about triggering each other.  I was often angry.  Jealous.  Envious.  Frustrated.

He was silent.

If there is ONE movie that really depicts how we "danced" around each other and how we were so different....

I highly recommend the movie "Rabbit Hole".

I am so grateful that Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart shared their acting talents to express the hurt, pain, and confusion of losing a child.

No comments: